The Relapse

This post is going to be much shorter than I could have ever imagined it would be. Just after I threw a party with all of my dirty friends and their husbands, Kemmon told me he had relapsed twice. I will tell you that since this all started a relapse was my biggest fear. In all the support groups I attended I’ve heard that an average is (7) relapses for someone to go through. I was SURE that Kemmon would never have a relapse. 

Well he did… and it’s okay. I was distraught when he told me. I was mad he didn’t call people in his group. He had gotten 120+ days clean and he just fucked it all up. He used to hide drugs in his car and when he was in his car one day a bag of heroin fell out and he immediately used it. Since he was on Suboxone he didn’t get high, but he used. He also saved some for a few days later and used it again.

Looking back over those few days I thought he was acting weird but I didn’t want to be a bitch and accuse him of using when he had been doing so well. We had even gone to his addiction doctor together and he failed a test and lied to both of us. 

But now he is almost 6 months clean and he learned a lot from his relapse. I know a couple of my other friends whose husbands relapsed and it didn’t go so well. I guess I’m lucky, but I guess the moral to this story is a relapse can help the addict grow in their recovery.

7 years later…

As I write this reflection now, Kemmon is days away from being 7 years clean from the above relapse. I don’t have much more to say on this post as today I feel the same I did back then. I’m thankful he told me, I’m thankful he’s stayed on a path to recovery and I’m so happy I decided to continue in our relationship because overall it’s been an amazing seven years.

When I started this journey with Kemmon I thought relapses would be like you see on TV; dramatic, maybe he’d go missing, he’d use for a long period of time. While that does happen, I’m happy that didn’t happen for him. Relapses can be learning experiences. Just because someone slips up doesn’t mean they lose all of the knowledge they learned along the way. Relapses are scary, but they don’t always turn out as terrible as one might think.

If this is the first time you’re reading anything about addiction, welcome. You’ve found a place where someone can relate to what you’re going through. Please check out Boy Problems Podcast to hear Jessica + Shannon and I tell our stories. And whatever you do, keep coming back.

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