Dirty Friends
I am very fortunate to live close to a wonderful recovery center that has an AMAZING family support group. What I like about the group is cross talk is allowed. We can present problems, issues, thoughts and share our fears and people in the group can give feedback. This is where I met some “dirty friends”. When this whole thing started I felt very ashamed and embarrassed that my husband was an addict. It was so nice to find other wives who were going through the same things. One of the girls and I have become SO close and I don’t know what I would do without her in my life. She and I were chatting one night and somehow came up with the phrase “dirty friends” because our husbands were doing bad things. I don’t know why it stuck but it makes me laugh every time I say it.
“She was right, she didn’t know what to say because she has never gone through anything like this. ”
I’ve encountered a few people whose husbands or loved ones are addicts or in active use who don’t have any “dirty friends” and it makes me so sad. I know how AMAZING my friendships have been and how they have gotten me through some really bad days. I remember one time I thought my husband relapsed but he swore up and down he didn’t. Ha ha, like I could trust him. I was having a panic attack and we were at a wedding in Tennessee. We were six hours away from home. I called my dirty friends and no one picked up so I called another one of my good friends. I told her the situation and she just didn’t know what to say or do. I remember her saying, “can you call one of your addict friends? I bet they can help you more than me.”. She was right, she didn’t know what to say because she has never gone through anything like this. I was sitting on the ground in the dirt when a dirty friend called. She talked me off the ledge and I was able to enjoy myself at the wedding.
I talk to my friend almost daily about everything. Her husband went through some relapses and a period of active use and jail so I felt good because I could help her through that time. What I didn’t know is addiction is so isolating. It happens slowly until one day you look up and notice you have no friends and if you do have friends they typically have no clue that this is going on behind the scenes. I encourage anyone going through this to please share your story, get help and make some dirty friends of your own. My life is so much better today because of it.
7 years later…
“It happens slowly until one day you look up and notice you have no friends... ”
Reading this blog made me smile. Who knew that seven years later I’d still cherish some of the friendships I made when my life was hell. While I still think the term dirty friends is funny, I don’t like to say that anymore. It makes me feel like we did something wrong or dirty. We are just people trying to get through a really tough disease someone we love is going through. I’ve been in many different kinds of support groups during my life, which are so beneficial for me and many others. If there is one near you, you think you could go to I say give it a try. It could be the lifeline you need for this time in your life. Sending hugs to all those who have helped me along my journey of life. You’ve all made a lasting imprint.
If this is the first time you’re reading anything about addiction, welcome. You’ve found a place where someone can relate to what you’re going through. Please check out Boy Problems Podcast to hear Jessica + Shannon and I tell our stories. And whatever you do, keep coming back.
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