the day i found him dead

In January 2015 Kemmon broke his foot at work. Unfortunately, he has a physical job and had to be off work for three months. I had to do EVERYTHING. He couldn’t drive, he couldn’t make his own food, he had to have surgery so I had to be home with him for a little while. Gosh it was just terrible. Every day when I came home from work he was just sleeping, laid up on the couch snoring a crazy snore because he wasn’t wearing his CPAP machine. At that time, I often came home and he was blue in the face and blue up to his wrists. The first few times I freaked out, but after that I would just strap his CPAP on and watch him breath. His color would eventually come back and all was good in the world. 

“i knew i wasn’t strong enough. if they left and he got in the car with me i would fold.”

Oh my gosh… I am just now realizing how much of the story I am leaving out. Not on purpose… there’s just too much. So if I jump around #1 my brain is scrambled and #2 I don’t really like sharing my most personal feelings so this is unnatural for me. 

I’m in the hospitality industry so I often have events or meetings that take place after 5pm. March 4th was one of those days for me. I had called Kemmon many times that day but he never picked up. On my way to my event, I just got a bad feeling. The event was near my house so I knew I had about 5 minutes to spare where I could run home and make sure all was good. When I got home, that was not the case. Kemmon was on the couch, pale white, cold, foaming at the nose and mouth. His eyes were open and bloodshot and he was making a terrible noise. When I shook him, he grunted but I knew that slapping his CPAP machine on wasn’t going to help this time. So against everything that told me “don’t do it” I called 9-1-1. 

Now, looking back I 100% shouldn’t have had any hesitation to call 9-1-1, but we had been down this path before and it never ended well. Kemmon was in trouble and needed immediate medical attention. For a long time I was doing anything and everything to not piss him off. I was so afraid to call 9-1-1 because I knew he would be so mad at me. Every moment of my life was all about him and thinking about whether or not what I did would piss him off. He spoke to me in such a hateful way even when I thought I didn’t do anything to deserve it. He was such an asshole and I was happy that he slept all the time because I didn’t have to deal with him being a dick. 

Anyway…. So I call 9-1-1 and my home was flooded with four police officers, four firefighters and two EMS personnel. I live at the corner of my neighborhood so my whole street was packed. All of my neighbors were texting me asking if everything was alright. They pull me to another room while they evaluate him and start asking me all kinds of questions. The one that kept being repeated was “would he want to harm himself”. I mean fuck, I hardly talk to the man so I have no clue. Who would want to live like this? I wouldn’t have been surprised if he did, but I told them no. 

“i found Kemmon foaming, they said he had a seizure, he wasn’t breathing, he can hardly walk……”

One thing about Kemmon is he HATES police officers; I knew it was about to be ON when he came to and saw that there were four cops in his house. They were able to get him sitting up and kept me separate while asking him questions. I heard Kemmon yelling “this is America you can’t tell me what to do”. I ran into the living room and started yelling at Kemmon telling him that I called them here because he was foaming at the nose and mouth and I couldn’t wake him up. He, of course, said he was fine and kept telling them to leave. They couldn’t, he was so bad there was no way they could have responsibly left him there. 

For the next 20 minutes he kept trying to barter with them to let me take him to the hospital and not ride in the ambulance. I knew I wasn’t strong enough. If they left and he got in the car with me I would fold. So one of the firefighters told me to tell Kemmon I was leaving and that I would meet him there. He told me to just kiss him and say “I’ll see you there hunny” and take off. So I did. The whole time this was going on I didn’t cry once, I didn’t get upset. I was very matter of fact, not frantic and I was able to keep my wits about me. But all bets were off once I got in the car. 

What the fuck is going on? I just left my husband standing on our porch surrounded by EMS, police and firefighters. I called my best friend in Ohio and just started to ramble on about what had just been happening… “I found Kemmon foaming, they said he had a seizure, he wasn’t breathing, he can hardly walk……” I remember her saying “okay I don’t know what you’re saying but it will be alright”. I calmed down a some, told her a little bit about the situation and by that time I was already at the emergency room. 

7 years later…

My heart is POUNDING after reading this. I can play this whole day in my head like it was yesterday. It was one of the most terrible things I have been through. It’s actually really painful to recall. So many memories are flooding my head; way too many to type. I hope this is something I will never have to experience again.

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