the hospital

I checked in at the front desk and the receptionist told me to have a seat. The waiting room was PACKED. I found a seat by these two little kids who were playing video games. My head was spinning. Unbeknownst to me I sat myself in the middle of this huge family who had a loved one that was seriously ill so they were all freaking out around me. Not a good choice of seats on my part. After a while, I was called back to go to my husband’s room. 

When I walked in he looked worse than when I left him on the porch. He had no color in his skin, he didn’t really say anything when I walked into the room, and his pupils were so small I could hardly see them. After a bit, a nurse walked in to take his vitals. The moment she walked in she started yelling “code blue” (well at least that is what color I think she was yelling) into the hallway and all of these people flooded into this tiny little room. They told me to go into the hallway. As soon as I got into the hallway, a lady told me I had to sign all of these papers so they could care for Kemmon. I didn’t even look at what I was signing because all I could hear was the crazy commotion that was coming from my husband’s room. 

When I looked up from signing the papers they were wheeling Kemmon across the ER to Crash Room 2. They later told me that his oxygen saturation was at 52 (normal levels are 93 and above). By this time it was about 8:00pm (I got home and called 9-1-1 at 6:00pm). While we were in that room they took sooo many tests, took so much blood and placed Kemmon on a BiPAP machine. What they told me was that Kemmon hadn’t been sleeping with his CPAP machine so he had so much carbon monoxide trapped in his lungs / blood. The BiPAP is a double pressure system that helps the lungs get the carbon monoxide out. 

The nurses and doctors couldn’t really figure out what was going on. I told them he was taking pain pills for his foot surgery so they decided to give him a shot of Narcan to see if that would do anything. The MOMENT they hit him with the Narcan he woke up just like he had gotten up from an awesome nap. Soon after he started to fade back into his deep sleep. I later discovered that he was on a 24 hour Narcan drip. 

Side Note: I should have known then. He kept asking the doctors “will my work find out about this? Let me the fuck out of here I’m fine” little did I know this was the just the start to my new shitty life. 

“...little did I know this was the just the start to my new shitty life. ”

After hours (and literally I mean hours) of waiting and tests and more waiting and more tests they still didn’t know anything. Kemmon, many times, yelled at the nurses and doctors saying he was fine and he didn’t know why we were in there. At one point one of the doctor said, “Sir, you’re the worst case I have in the ER right now so you belong here”. We finally got moved out of the ER and up to the ICU at about 1:30am. 

I was exhausted. I hadn’t eaten. I didn’t know what was going on. When they rolled Kemmon in the room he began yelling at me. “Why did you do this to me”, “I can’t believe you” “You’ve ruined everything”. The nurse (who was so sweet) started yelling at him telling him it wasn’t appropriate to talk to me like that. Soon after that, I left. We only lived about 5 minutes from the hospital, and I was still in my work clothes. I grabbed a few things in a bag and headed back to the hospital. It was about 2:30am and I decided it would probably be a good idea to tell our families what was going on. Something you don’t know about me is that I like to keep secrets… like everything in my life. Who knows why really...it’s a family thing.

“...over the years I’ve realized I was only as sick as my secrets.”

Any who… I spoke with that sweet nurse and was trying to figure out what to tell the family. The nurse said the only thing Kemmon’s chart says is sepsis. So I text the fam that Kemmon has sepsis and that we were in the ICU. My step-mom wrote back (she’s a nurse practitioner and is a light sleeper) and told me to keep her posted. I couldn’t sleep at all that night because of all of the machines and the people coming in constantly to take his vitals. And I wanted to make sure I was awake to talk to any provider that might come in the room. 

7 Years Later…

While this blog post only covers a few hours, it felt like DAYS when I was actually going through this. The worst part about all of this was I had no clue what was going on with Kemmon. He wasn’t speaking. He was mad at me and also had that BiPap machine on so he was just sleeping and ignoring me. Something I chuckled at when I read this back is about how I like keeping secrets. If you’ve listened to our podcast at all, you would be like WHAT?! Ha ha over the years I’ve realized I was only as sick as my secrets. I am so glad I can now truly be who I am, flaws and all. It’s what makes me awesome. :P While I wouldn’t change anything that happened, I do wonder if I would have paid attention or asked more questions, could this have been avoided? Maybe not, but it is something I think about from time to time. I’m curious; would I have stayed with Kemmon, would my family have pushed me to leave him, would I have had kids at all? shrug

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